Miss Modish- Mojo Maker

Decisions, decisions...

Last week I shared this random thought on social media and it seemed to strike a chord in people:

mojo note to self: Stop sacrificing your own projects & desires to put everyone else first. Don't be the contractor living in a shitty house!

Can you relate?

I've been feeling stuck and procrastinatey for months now with anything having to do with making the changes I know I need to make for my own website, for my own business... and I think I finally realized why.

Because I haven't made a clear decision about any of it yet!

Sending some love the old fashioned way

Happy Valentine's Day! I'm joining in on the Felix Doolittle love note writing challenge, which starts today. They're encouraging people to give 1-7 hand-written notes a week to their loved ones over the next month, and I love a good excuse to get sappy and let people know I care, so I'm joining in!

I'm going to be sending hand-written notes of love, luck, thanks and mojo out every week over the next 4 weeks (and who knows, maybe even longer!) to the people who mean the most to me.

Dear Morning,

One little tidbit you may not know about me- I majored in poetry, of all things, in college. But I don't think I've actually sat down just to write a poem since, which was almost 10 years ago now! (damn, those white hairs I'm getting ain't lyin...)

So it was a pretty strange experience of having, what appears to be a poem, literally spill out of me this morning, from nowhere, for no reason. I felt compelled to write and a poem came out.

And since poems are meant for sharing, it felt right to share it here with you!

And now, for something completely different (if you get that reference, you're tops in my book!)

Dear Morning,

I like you slow and easy,

just like this,

so I can settle down

into you.

Curl into your crevices and

open space.

So I can revel, for awhile,

in daydream

and possibility.

Well hello, beautiful day! & goodbye til next year

Man, it is beautiful out today! We're not used to seeing the sun around here in December and it feels oh so good. I saw someone call Portland sexy today on instagram, and I gotta agree- those blue skies and big sun are beckoning!

Thanks Pansy Maiden! & a discount for YOU!

I have been so excited to show off my new Pansy Maiden bag to friends, and they all love it too! It looks like leather, but it's actually waxed canvas, which I adore. And the style is so very me!

Come check out what I carry in my bag over on the Pansy Maiden blog today. Laura, the lovely maker behind the line, is offering 20% off to YOU awesome readers o'mine with the code "InJenasBag", thru 11/25 only!

And to top if off, 10% of all sales from that code will go to Charity Water. I was introduced to them at the World Domination Summit over the summer and think it's an incredible cause- learn more on their site and buy a bag this week to share some proceeds with their awesome mission!

Thanks so much Laura, for having me on your blog!

Now you see me, now you don't

I feel like I've been pulling a little vanishing act lately, cancelling obligations and plans cause I was sick for way too long, and now have been playing catch-up like a mad-woman because of it. But when work is fun and fun is work, I don't really have too much to complain about in the grand scheme!

Part of the fun this week was taking some pics of myself and my new Pansy Maiden bag, along with what I carry around in it, for an upcoming blog post on her site! It'll go up next week- I'll share the link, of course!

After shooting those pics, it had been the first time I really felt any energy in over a week since I caught a nasty cold, and since I had the camera all set up, I felt like playing some more.

I started messing around taking photos using a double flash, while I was dancing and spinning around, and I caught some moments where you could, literally, see right thru me!

Now you see me, now you don't.

I'm half here, half stuck up in my brain tallying up all my to-dos. But one thing's for certain- taking some time out to dance around, play, move yo' bod-ay... it's always time well spent!

Have you taken a movement break lately? If you need a shift in your energy, it's time to get on up and get down!

Be the LION

I've been feeling some serious liony vibes lately... so since it's Halloween, what better day to let my inner lion out!

It started around my birthday this year (and yes, I'm a Leo :) I found a scarf at an estate sale in this random bin of accessories- it had been folded up and was in a clear bag. I just saw the colors and grabbed, and to my surprise when I unfolded, it was a lion! Mine!

When I got home, I decided it needed to be displayed rather then stuck in a drawer, so I hung it up over my side of the bed to remind me to unleash my lionness more often.

Soon after, I started to crave getting a tattoo of a lion on my shoulder- calm and strong with a swirling (curly-ish?) mane, urging me to be brave. I don't have any tattoos, so to suddenly yearn for a big lion on my arm is a bit strange. (Don't worry mom, I'm just collecting tattoo inspiration on pinterest at this point :)

And then I started to get the strong urge to grow out my own mane super long, and wear it proud! It used to be so luxurious when I was young (and hated it.) I don't know if it can grow so long again but I'm gonna try and see. If I had my 12 year old hair back now, I'd rock it!

And then, at a Firestarter Sessions group I'm in, one of the ladies, Dryden, and I got to talkin' woo-woo stuff how I like to, and she had some Angel Cards with her and gave some of us girls a reading. One of the things my angels apparently had to tell me was that they wanted me to know what my "spirit animal" is...

"Do you like BIG cats?" Dryden asked.

Oooh, shit.

Of course it's a lion! And it's been calling me. And apparently it has been for years, when I look around the house and see all the lions I've been collecting for sometime without really realizing...

So what does this all mean? I guess it's time to BE the fucking LION.

It's time for me to be brave. Be bold. To protect. To lead. Be fierce.

Time for me to ROAR in my own way.

And Halloween's as good a day as any to get started!

Wishing you a happy one! What alter ego/secret identity/sprit are you channeling this year?

Truthy Tuesday: My Deep Seeded Need to Get Along With Everyone

It's funny, as I'm sitting here, alone, writing this post, I feel a dichotomy within me that is one half super anti-social, opinionated and doesn't give a crap what anyone else thinks, and the other half a pretty appeasing and pleasant person who only wants to not rock the boat.

Despite my fiercely independent and hermity nature, when it comes to actual social situations with a person in front of me, I'm all pleasantries- all I want to do is get along, be friendly, have a great conversation, keep everything cool.

Somewhere at my very base is a deep yearning to not necessarily be liked by everyone, but to be accepted by them.

I'm an only child and was raised to be very independent minded and have always felt different than everyone else. I think that's where some of the anti-socialness comes in- I've spent more time alone than with any other single person in the world, so I'm pretty self-aware and have been since I can remember.

In kiddom, that made me terribly shy. I didn't feel like others could understand where I was coming from, wouldn't "get" me, so I became very afraid to speak up. I desperately wanted to fit in, rather than being singled out as I already felt I was, and voicing my thoughts and opinions didn't seem the best way to go about that.

In many ways, I've been afraid to let people know what I think because I don't want them to disagree with me, and in some respects, I don't want to have to defend or argue about something I already know for myself to be true.

So I opted for agreeable most times, sacrificing my own opinions quite a bit, in an effort to get along with everyone. That only child inside really just wanted to connect and be accepted by others.

But in my adult life, I've realized more and more, as I've built up the courage to do it more and more, that expressing my point of view is not necessarily a disagreeable quality. That I can have an opinion and ideas and ways of doing things that others might find strange, but that doesn't mean I can't still get along with them!

And most recently, maybe only during my short stint in my 30s so far, I'm finally realizing that the more open I am with expressing myself, and my ideas, the more it actually draws people to me.

The more open I am, the more open it allows others to feel around me.

The more open I am, the easier it is to get along with just about anyone.

Because at the base of it, we're all just humans who want to be understood and accepted. And if you can connect on that level, I think you can get along no matter what differences in your backgrounds or beliefs.

Underneath the "I don't need anyone else and people are stupid" kind of attitude I can sometimes take on (who, me?) the deep down truth of it is- I really do want to get along with everyone! I want to know and connect with and learn from everyone I meet! I (and this is a hard sentence for me to choke out) need people.

I don't know if it's immature to think this (it's definitely cheesy tho), but deep down, I just want to be everyone's friend. I want to be a kind smile, a laugh, support, an ear, an inspiration, a highlight to your day.

I want to get along with people because life seems to flow so much better that way- it feels easier, happier and more connected. I realize now that I don't have to sacrifice my individuality to do so, and that maybe, by honing in more and more to who I uniquely am, the better I'm able to understand and get along with others.

{This is part of our Truthy Tuesday series over at The Maven Circle, where we openly share our struggles and thoughts around a different topic each week. Join us in getting truthy on your own blog, and we'll link up and spread the love!}

What do you think? Do you have a need to get along with everyone? Have you ever sacrificed your personal opinion just to get along? Does getting along not matter that much to you? I'd love to hear your thoughts on it all!

July/August Flowers

We've had so many pretties blooming in our little backyard garden over the last couple months. Here are some of my favorites... (check out may and june's flowers if you missed em!)

dahlia- from old house dahlias, in our hood

impatiens, with a litlte geranium bud peeking in

chocolate cosmos that ACTUALLY SMELL LIKE CHOCOLATE. No joke.

cally lily

bee balm- the hummingbirds love this one!

potato vine goin' buckwild- covers our chain link fence, we love it

little friend, watching me take pictures

yarrow

dahlia

so many roses

hydrangea

And here's a wider view of our garden and little backyard shed, where I film my doses of mojo videos!

Ok so it's techincally video, singular, at this point, but I'm filming more and have so much good stuff coming up soon soon- can't wait to share! The fall feeling of shifting into high gear is starting to catch me. I love this time of year!

Although today's my Mr's birthday (I love you, Mr!) and I'm off to play hooky with him at the coast to eat ice cream, take pics, drink a beer and take in the ocean breeze. Squeezing the last out of summer where we can!

What's been blooming in your neck of the woods lately? Feeling that fall buzz yet, or dreading the end of summer?

Grow Your Handmade Business, with Kari!

I recieved a surprise package on my doorstep yesterday- a copy of Grow Your Handmade Business by Kari Chapin. And I'm oh so thrilled to say that I'm included in it!

You can find bits from me, Nicole Balch, Jay McCarroll, Lisa Congdon, Jessica Swift, Tara Gentile, Sue Eggen, Kelly Rae Roberts and so many other awesome voices from the "creative collective" amongst Kari's own advice and exercises.

And it covers everything you need to know to grow your handmade business from the ground up, from identifying your dream biz and goals for it, to writing your business plan, managing your time, getting your marketing plan together (I have a section in there on PR for indie biz owners, woot!), how to get the dolla dolla bills and where to find professional support when you need it.

Plus- it's pretty! And the letters bump up on the front cover and it feels good to hold in your hands.

Hope you guys check it out- it's an essential addition to an indie biz owner's bookshelf! Get more info and pick up a copy from Kari's site here, and check out her first book, Handmade Marketplace too if you don't have that yet!

{You did an amazing job, Kari, congrats! And thanks so much for including me! So much love.}

Getting Truthy about Jealousy & Comparison

I'm over at The Maven Circle today sharing my experiences around The Green Eyed Monster & Comparison Trap and how NOT to get got!

....continue reading over at The Maven Circle blog. See you there!

See ya, 20's! Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!

This little flower child with an attitude is turning 30 tomorrow! And honestly, I don't feel like I've changed much since I was a kid (except no more belly shirts for me :) In fact, I may have had things figured out better when I was younger!

I was looking through old journals and two entries totally stood out and smacked me in the face.

One from when I was almost 17- this was the last entry in the journal after pages and pages of talking about boys, boys, boys, life sucks, schools sucks, I wish I had/was this/that- suddenly, I had this to say:

{full excerpt}
Everything dies : It is known that all living creatures who take in oxygen to live shall surely cease in existence  but I've learned that thoughts and feeling, emotions and lifestyles shall surely fade away too. The pure state of being may remain, but it can never remain the same. Don't ever expect tomorrow to be the same as today cause it can't happen, and frankly, why would you want it to?

Wanting is painful : I want to go to college in Cali. I want a hot as hell, sweet, trusting, snowboarding boyfriend. I want to be a cinematographer or director. I want that new cd. I want those cute pants I saw yesterday. If you dwell on all the things that you desire, not only will you never get them, you can never possibly be happy without them. It's natural to want things that you don't have, but if you let it become a main focus in your life, the only outcome there can be is suffering.

I am important : Everywhere I go, everything I do, I make a difference. Each step, each breath, each smile or wave, it ALL matters. I affect someone or something every second of my life. My life is meaningful.

It's like, woah man! A little dark and blunt in some spots, but you had some stuff figured out, 17 year old me.

Then in a journal from college when I was about 2 weeks from my 20th birthday, I wrote this, also the last entry in that journal:

{full excerpt}
I realize I must always try to think positively, find the bright side of the situation. I can't feel bad about "not doing enough" and not pushing myself "hard" enough. I need to go with how I feel at all times and live my life in a way that is acceptable to myself, and it will thus be acceptable to others.

I must remember to breathe, chill out. If fear, stress, anger or other negative gremlins get stirred up, I must not be quick to react. Do not dismiss the feeling but regard them as a genuine emotion and consider why you feel them at a certain time.

Keep doing yoga. I'm already seeing benefits in my physical, mental and spiritual life. I feel happy and healthy. Do not make up excuses. Do no flake out on yourself. You owe it to yourself to do this one amazing thing each and every day, and you owe it to the world around you.

You can and will do great things with your life. Just stay open and listen to your heart. TRUST YOURSELF. You know what is right for you. Do not focus on other's opinions on what is best for you. You are the only one who truly knows.

Calm down. Listen. Take time to be still. Just be. 

Uh, hello future Maven Circle me at 19 years old! So, so weird to read everything I'm talking about now from a journal way back then.

It's like between 20-29, with school, work, relationships, rent money due, starting businesses, moving around, aquiring 4 fur babies, a house and lots of STUFF, and trying to figure out who the hell I am and where I want to go- I kinda sorta forgot who I was, and where I wanted to go.

Life got in the way of those things I've always really believed in and known deep down to be true. And reading these entries from younger me I can't help but think, "Shit girl, why haven't you been taking your own advice all these years?"

Well I'm starting to now. I feel like my 20s were so much about acheiving, striving, searching and now it's like I've come back full circle, back to what I've always known, back to my true self.

I'm so excited and hopeful for my 30's to be more about just BEING and enjoying moment by moment. So, on that note, I'm off to go flower shopping, berry picking, antique hunting and Mexican food eating, playing a little early birthday weekday hooky with the mister! And then tomorrow, I enter a NEW DECADE! Yippee!!

Are there things you believed in when you were younger that have slipped thru the cracks of your adult life? Some advice from younger you that you haven't been taking?

Truthy Tuesday: Mind Gremlin Mania & Meditation

{This is part of our Truthy Tuesday series over at The Maven Circle, where we openly share our struggles and thoughts around a different topic each week. Join us in getting truthy on your own blog, and we'll link up and spread the love!}

I have so many mind gremlins to contend with up in that noggin of mine.

You know what those are- the negative, nasty things we tell ourselves about our abilities, about who we are. And all of those mean things we tell ourselves are so SO totally wrong most times, but we have such a skewed perspective when we're stuck in our heads that we start to believe what they're saying.

Some of my many mind gremlins that like to come out and play:

• one is that I'm "too shy", definitely too shy to go up and talk to a stranger, to feel comfortable in a crowd or to speak in front of one!
• I have a problem believing anyone is interested in what I have to say, or that they find value in it in anyway. I've always doubted that any of my words are worthwhile.
• I worry about the outcome of things more than the process of doing the thing and that starts the anxiety and stressing out
• I do care what (some) people think and want to live up to whatever their perception/expectation is of me, and I often 2nd guess whether I can/do/ever will
• And then there are my own expectations of myself which are basically beyond human and leave me feeling disappointed in myself, guilty for not getting it all done, or not by now, or not doing "enough"

And I could go on and on...

There was a time when I was so consumed with what those voices told me, I was convinced that my amazing, lucky life was more of a burden, cause it felt like one just trying to get up every morning and keep all the balls in the air and keep everyone happy and just get through the day, day after day. 

I ended up overwhelmed, on the brink, and needing a serious change because I realized, I wasn't really considering- what about my own happiness?

Our mind gremlins can convince us we're not deserving of happiness, or that we'll find it somewhere "out there" if we just conquer the next accomplishment, and the next one, and the next one...

But that feels so empty and unsatisfying in the long run because your own happiness is only going to come from within. And a large part of that happiness is going to come from battling your mind gremlins!

My recommended tool for battle: Meditation

It's life-changing, seriously. Even 10-15 minutes a day can be life-changing.

It's also really difficult to start trying to do too, yes I'll give you that. You know what helped me in the beginning? Guided meditations- they help you stay focused and make it not so difficult to sit there with yourself and your thoughts for a few minutes. Here are some to try if you're interested:

• I recorded a "present moment" guided meditation for The Maven Circle! You can get it free with sign-up to our inner circle- I've had so many amazing, positive responses about it. Hope you enjoy it!
• I also like these free guided meditations by Davidji at the Chopra Center- most 10 minutes or less
• And these by Tara Brach, most 15-30min long. She also has a great introduction on how to meditate.

Meditation has not only helped me lessen the gremlin banter, but not heed it anymore. By helping me gain distance from those thoughts, it gave me perspective enough to see that these things I've been telling myself over so many years are NOT TRUE!

You are what you say you are. You are what you think you are. If you can shift both your thinking and the verbiage you use to talk about/to yourself, you'll be able to make some headway in the mind gremlin battle!

Meditation is one way. Getting out of your head and into your body can happen in many forms tho. The key is to realize that you don't have to believe what those mind gremlins say. You don't have to define yourself in limiting ways. You have the choice to change the way you think and to shift into a new perspective!

You have the choice to do battle with those gremlins! And if you need help, our Catalyst Course has an arsenal of tools and support to help you do just that!

We just opened up registration for the next round of the course, to start Aug 13th! We'd love to help you dig in and identify what's going to make you really deep down happy and how to start breaking down all the mental and emotional obstacles along that path to your most awesome life.

The change starts from within- it really does, as cliche as it is. I learned firsthand that simply by changing my relationship to my thoughts (we need some distance, us two) I'm able to feel differently about who I am and what I'm capable of. I'm able to tell those nasty gremlin buggers to shut the eff on up, and it feels invigorating!

I still have a lot of gremlins to fend off or ignore, and they do still get the better of me sometimes, but knowing that I have the power to break through them inspires more confidence in myself than anything else.

You have the power to break-through them too! It's in you, it's in us all.

Are you doing battle with some mind gremlins right now? How do you fend them off? Or are they getting the better of you?

Share, open up, I'd love to hear in the comments below, or join us with your own Truthy Tuesday post!

Project: Kick Procrastination’s Ass

I'm sick of being controlled by this ever-pervasive habit of procrastination! I'm getting truthy about my life-long struggles with it over on The Maven Circle today and feel like it's one of my last barriers to getting where I want to go in life.

I think procrastination can be good in some ways- especially when it comes to creative projects- but in lots of ways, it's so not helpful. It creates stress and pressure and overwhelm that doesn't even need to exist, and I'm sick of feeling the guilt of not getting stuff done. I'm sick of feeling like I'm always catching up with yesterday, rather than participating in today!

So edging upon my 30th birthday, I've decided it's high time to break this nasty habit of mine- it's time for Project: Kick Procrastination's Ass!

(see, I could've taken time to figure out a better name, but instead I'm doing it now and just putting it out there! ;) Plus the accountability factor of having you guys out there listening along and expecting things really helps me get into gear!

It's time I actually use some of the many resources I've bought on a whim to help me figure out why I'm procrastinating so much and how to take steps to fix it. And since I know it's something that so many of us struggle with, I want to do it here, in front of you all to share my journey, progress and hopefully all the oh so helpful tips I learn along the way.

So my first step? Stop calling myself a procrastinator and instead, a "do-it-now-er, in training!"

My second step? I'm going to listen to this Overcoming Procrastination self-hypnosis mp3 that I downloaded, uh, last year, and see what happens!

Self-hypnosis is basically like a guided meditation, very relaxing and helps imprint things into your subconscious mind. And it's supposed to be more effective if you listen to the same script for 5 days in a row to really help those subliminal triggers and messages start to shift- so that's my plan. I'm going to listen once a day, for at least 5 days in a row, and report back next week if I notice any differences in my thinking or behavior.

Are you a procrastinator too? Want to change that? Join me here and hopefully this new series can work some wonders for us both! :)

June Flowers

{delphinium- so blue it's hard to even capture on a camera!}

{lily}

{roses!}

{a litle bouquet of roses & peonies}

{poppies!}

{mountain laurel}

{potato vine flower}

{lavender}

...........................................

Oooh, there's lots of color in our flower garden this month. Some of my favorite flowers are blooming right now- the poppies were ridiculous! Those are tops in my book, but they're all so beautiful. Which flowers are your favorites in your neck of the woods right now?

Can't wait to see what July brings! There are lots of little green arms reaching up right now, more good stuff to come. I love perennials- it's like seeing an old friend again, every season. 

Well I'm a bit distracted today as my thoughts are with my dad, who is in the hospital for the next 5 days or so for a heart related procedure- no fun at all. And my aunt & uncle from Colorado Springs had to evacuate their home last night due to the crazy wildfires out there! I'm so glad they're ok, but I hope their home will be as well, and everyone's homes! So scary.

If you have any extra thoughts of love and positivity to send their way today, I know they could use the extra boost and I'd appreciate it too. 

Reachin' a little further to find the mojo today! Going to soak up some sun- I think that'll help :) Hope you're having a good day!

<3 jena

Been spending my days lately....

...doing lots of this- this is my real home office- couch patrol. Any other home worker couch dwellers out there?

psst: you can snag that desktop wallpaper for free at the Maven Circle. Check out today's video on being a beginner while you're there!

...lots of this- working on a new e-book! very beginning stages :) Also writing some guest posts for Handmade Success and Oh My Handmade Goodness- those will pop up next week!

...some of this - filming a new Dose of Mojo video for next week! This time I'm answering a reader Q about how to find your ideal client- look for it next Wednesday er, make that Thursday! Videos take a long time!

I'll get the swing of weekly vids someday- just not quite happenin' yet :)

...a little bit of this- for next week's video (you can see it in the shot up there) All to be revealed soon :)

...some of this- thank goodness for this guy who gets me outside everyday, come rain come shine, no matter how busy I am.

...and as much as I can of this- stopping to smell the roses, and peonies in the garden!

What have you been up to lately? All work and not much play, like me? Although my work feels a lot like play these days :) What projects are you cookin up? Do tell!

May Flowers

Well we certainly had enough April showers to bring on the May flowers around here! Here's what's popping up in my garden lately. I can't get enough of them!

Lupine

A purple poppy! My favorite backyard flower of the moment :)

Snapdragons (and a stick bug- can you see it?)

Columbine

Iris- so far, only my white/peach ones have bloomed- I love them!

Peony, about to pop (I can't wait!)

I had some pretty white ranunculus too, but didn't catch a pic- more bulbs I planted a couple months ago seem to be popping up tho, yay!

What's blooming in your neck of the woods right now?

Gettin' Truthy

It's Truthy Tuesday over at The Maven Circle! We're talking about self-doubt, where it comes from, our struggles with it and how we deal- I'd love for you to check it out! 

What are your struggles with self-doubt? How do you deal? We'd love to have you join the conversation!

Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

We interrupt this Kitty Photo Friday for a round of juicy secrets instead!

Last night I read this post by Erin, of Design for Mankind, about the "Things I'm Afraid to Tell You" and immediately felt the need to write a post of my own. I think I'm kind of getting more of a thrill out of doing things that scare me these days.

Her post is part of an awesome challenge started by Ez, of Creature Comforts, (inspired by this awesome post by Jess LC) in an effort to combat the perfection-laden land that the blogosphere inhabits, and perpetuates!

I think it's natural to only want to share the good stuff, the brighter side of our lives. It's not easy to put out there, for literally all the world to see, our struggles, our failures, our flaws, our fears.

But that leads to most blogs becoming only one side of the story. I think they are true representations of a blogger's life, but they're only a few chapters from our entire book. Only the stuff we want to share. And feel comfortable sharing to a world full of strangers, judgement and opinion.

I've been really trying to open up over the past year about the realities of my not so good stuff, tho, because I think it's important. I've shared issues I've had around competition and stress & anxiety, about getting super overwhelmed, facing a huge fear...

It's awfully scary at first to put that stuff out there, but it has felt liberating to be more open and real and honest in this space here.

So, I'm all over this challenge. Here are a few things I feel sceered to tell you!

• I doubt myself
  I doubt pretty much every decision I make right before I make it, and then again right after. And then some more. If I don't have scads of positive feedback about something, I think it sucks. I've put up posts that I thought were cool but didn't get any comments on and felt like no one liked them and deleted them. Which brings up another doubt that anyone is out there listening at all, or liking what I'm saying at all?
  FUCK DOUBT.

• I'm an out of control perfectionist with my work
  (...and some other stuff) I check, and double check, and change, and triple check, and change some more, and check again. I read over everything I write til my eyes cross before I'll publish it and then FREAK OUT if I notice a typo or something later. It's annoying and paralyzing and makes everything take a long ass time.
  FUCK PERFECTIONISM.

• I'm in debt
  Credit card debt. Much of which is from not paying any quarterly taxes all year long and ending up owing $XXXX come tax time and having only $XX in my savings- I paid my taxes on a credit card 3 years in a row and am still paying them off. Which means I'm also a bad bookkeeper. (I paid in quarterly finally this past year- 3 lessons learned later!) We also have some mega emergency vet bills that went on a CC, and if we were to have another pricey emergency we'd have to use a CC. I worry about being able to ever get out from under it.
  FUCK CREDIT CARDS.

• I'm procrastination station
  I seriously can't seem to get anything done unless it's at the last possible minute. I start most projects on the day they're DUE. On the one hand, it almost feels like I need the pressure in order to perform at my best, but I think I only say that as an excuse to keep doing it. Mostly, it stresses me out, makes things harder, makes me late for everything, makes me push deadlines. I've been doing it since little kiddom, it feels so ingrained that it's gonna be a hell of a habit to break.
  FUCK "I'LL DO IT LATER."

• I feel pangs of jealousy...
  ...whenever a blogger publishes a book. I wanna publish a book! And I will! Someday. Problem is, I wish I had already published one. I want to already be doing book tours and speaking and have all my dreams come true, like now, when I see other people doing what I want to be doing. I know everything happens at it's own pace and have gotten better at getting distance from those jealous thoughts when they creep in, but creep they do. I also don't hang out on social media much, or read other blogs much (I mostly read during research for clients, actually!) for the same reason.
  FUCK COMPARISON.

• I like to cuss in real life
  FUCK YES.

• I worry about what you think of me
  Yes, you. I'm worried about if you think my writing is interesing, if you think I'm interesting. I'm worried about your criticism, your judgement. I'm worried about offending you, of you never coming back. I'm worried about coming off as too "life is perfect", as blogs tend to do, or that I might sound preachy and annoying. I'm worried about whether or not you'd want to work with me, or if you think I'm doing a good job. I'm worried that I've scared some of you off with the changes here. I'm worried that I come off as a flake, because I change things up so much and am very slowly honing in on exactly what I'm meant to do. I'm worried about you not understanding me, or what I'm putting out there.
  FUCK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU.

Well, that's about all the secrets I can share in one post- phew!

I think the more we all open up with one another, the more we'll find we're not so different, afterall.

Are you going to participate in the challenge? I have to say, writing this felt pretty dang good! Hitting publish on the otherhand... (bracing for it!)

<3 jena

Goats, Flowers & links to check out

This weekend, we met the Mr's parents (who recently moved to Salem, OR near us!) out at Bauman Farms & Nursery in Gervias, a little farm town in Oregon. The weather was incredible and the drive was so pretty. We got to see some cute goats and I, of course, couldn't resist coming home with some new plants!

{cute goats at Bauman Farms- the top one was scratching his butt on the post ;) And above is a baby bugging its mama!}

{Deeelicious! Mexican food in Woodburn at Luis' Taqueria - worth a drive back just to eat there again}

{Came home with a new Dahlia- it looks highlighter yellow in real life, very neon. A very happy addition to the garden!}

{some white bleeding hearts, which I've never seen before! These guys do good in shade.}

{some vibrant geraniums, also good to brighten up shade.}

{and my fave find, this crazy thing called a "gold velvet" anigozanthos- it's supposed to attract hummingbirds, which we love getting visits from!}

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In other news, I have a guest post up today on Kind Over Matter, about using Fear as a friend to guide you! It's an excerpt from something I wrote for our Catalyst Course, and a teency taste of the kind of stuff we talk about in there.

> Check it out if you get a chance, and thanks again, Amanda, for having me!

And my lovely lady e-friend Jessika from Oh My Handmade Goodness just launched her Guide to Bussinessy Goodness today! It's 68 gorgeous pages of biz advice and articles (including one from me!), worksheets, printables and really great quotes/artwork in between sections.

> Check out a preview of it here & name your price for a copy- it's a wealth of good information!

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Happy Monday everyone! Hope your week is off to a good start!